Just for Us
by Kate87
Summary: “Because we both know that we have all the time in the world. Just for this. Just for us.” A postseason 10, slightly AU, somewhat spoiled, very Carby fic.


Title: Just for Us  
Author: Kate  
Summary: "Because we both know that we have all the time in the world. Just for this. Just for us." A post-season 10, slightly AU, somewhat spoiled, very Carby fic.  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Damn straight. If I were you'd I'd wait until after about 11-3-ish.  
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, believe me. Do you think that I'd write this after what I did to them last season if they were?  
Author's Note: Well, this is it. Another stand-alone from me, though you never know, I may continue, if inspiration strikes at the right time. Thanks to Aimee for reading, and re-reading, and discussing, and pretty much helping me rip parts to shreds and put them back together again. Also, thanks to everyone at TU cause they always have some good posts of inspiration when I need them, even if I don't think that I can live up to the lovely-ness that is the things they've written.

_****_

_**- - - - - - - - - -  
All the days we've been together  
**__**All the days we've been apart  
**__**Add up too a bunch of nothing  
**__**If I'm not still in your heart  
- - - - - - - - - -  
**_The relationship between doctors and their patients has always been somewhat of a mystery to me. Which is surprising, considering that in my eleven years as a doctor, I've seen more than my share of patients, and my share of relationships with them. But there are still patients that you are drawn to. Patients that, no matter how long you've been on, no matter how tough your shift - or life, for that matter- is at that point in time, you still have a desire to help them on a deeper level. Every so often , you get the LOL that you stay the extra hour to try to get them into board and care, or the little girl who's hand you hold until a nurse informs you that her mother has finally made it out of surgery.

Tonight, however, it's not a relationship with a patient that is compelling me to sit on the couch in the lounge almost an hour after my shift has ended. No, it's my relationship with a certain doctor that is keeping me here when I really should be home in bed right now. But what can I say? I'm drawn to her.  
**_- - - - - - - - - -  
_**"_Nice save, John."_

"_You're the one who made the pickup- I was just here to make sure you didn't kill her after the fact."_

_She rolls her eyes at me before tossing her gloves to the floor and starting to follow our patient to the elevator when I call out to her._

"_Hey, Abby..."_

_She turns, giving me an expectant look as I attempt to figure out how to explain my reason for stopping her._

"_Can we...would you like...You wanna grab some coffee after your shift?"_

_I seem to have puzzled her with my hesitation, but she smiles none the less._

"_Yeah. I'll see you in the lounge at twelve?"_

_It's phrased as a question, but she's out the door and half-way to the elevators before I have the chance to answer her.  
_**_- - - - - - - - - -  
_**And now, here it is, 11:50 and I'm sprawled out on the couch, flipping through one of the annals that I've had in my locker since- I pause to check the date- last May. I throw it down on the coffee table in front of me, rationalizing that if so much in my life can change in seven months, probably about half of what's in there is so outdated that I'd be better off sitting here staring blankly into space.

That gets boring pretty quickly, however, and I begin to lose myself in my thoughts.

Seven months. It's amazing how, depending on the events in your life at the moment, a little more than half of a year can seem like a lifetime...or mere seconds. I've changed so drastically in the past seven months that its hard to believe that it's been so little time since I was in such a different place.  
**_- - - - - - - - - -  
_**_**This is the moment, that you know  
**__**That you told her you loved her, but you don't  
**__**You touched her skin, and then you think  
**__**That she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me  
- - - - - - - - - -  
**__I take Kem's hand in mine as we walk along the beach, glad for the companionship. She had been in such a dark place- we had BOTH been in such a dark place- for the past few weeks that its nice to be with someone who understands what I'm feeling, what I'm going through._

"_John?"_

_I'm jolted from my thoughts by her voice and turn towards her, noting the look on her face._

"_Hm?"_

"_You seemed a million miles away."_

"_I was just thinking."_

_A breeze comes off the lake and she shivers a bit. I try to pull her closer, but she slips her hand out of mine and wraps her arms around herself tightly._

"_I...um...I've been thinking, too."_

_I notice that her tone has changed, and she seems much more serious than I've ever seen her._

"_We need to talk."_

_Her voice has dropped to almost a whisper, and I know that she definitely has something she needs to say._

"_Okay."_

"_I...um...I got a phone call today. From home. It was Peter and he, uh, he wants me to come back."_

_I open my mouth, but she continues before I have a chance to speak._

"_And I am."_

"_What? Kem..."_

"_We talked for over three hours. He...he said he still loves me. He wants to get married. And so do I. I want a husband, and a family. I...I want- No, I need to do this, John. I need to be happy."_

"_Then marry me." The words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to really process them._

"_What?"_

"_Stay. Marry me. We can try for another baby. WE can be happy, Kem."_

"_John... You don't mean that."_

"_Yes, I do."_

"_I-I want to go back to Africa. I want to go back to the life I had there...and you should go back to the life you had-have- here."_

"_I don't understand. Two weeks ago, you were going to have my child. We were going to raise him...here...together. And now...now you're just going to forget about all of that and just...just leave me?"_

"_I know that this is sudden, but, honestly, it's something that should have happened along time ago. We're not right for each other, and we never were. We're from two totally different worlds, and we have nothing in common. We never did."_

"_How can you say we have nothing in common? Kem, we were going to have a baby together!"_

"_No, John..."_

"_What?"  
_**_- - - - - - - - - -  
_**_**It started over coffee  
**__**We started out as friends  
**__**Funny how from simple things,  
**__**The best things begin  
**_**_- - - - - - - - - -_**  
I'm jolted from my thoughts by the squeak of the lounge door as it swings open, and Abby's apology before she's even the whole way through it.

"Sorry it took me so long... They were finally able to find that woman's family."

"It's okay."

She crosses in front of me to her locker, and I propel myself off the couch and towards the chair that I've thrown my coat over. Picking it up, I slip my arms through the sleeves and retrieve my gloves from their place in the pocket. Turning towards her, I notice that she's done the same.

"You ready?"

"Sure."

I nod toward the door, suggesting she go first, and then proceed to follow her out into the ambulance bay. We head across the street to the Jumbo Mart in a comfortable silence, Abby still leading the way. She orders two large coffees and moves to grab some creamers as I throw a few bills on the counter, letting the waitress know that they're "to go."

"We're not staying?" she questions.

"Nah. I feel like walking, tonight."

"Whoa...your offer was coffee. I don't ever remember signing up for a midnight stroll in late December."

The girl hands me the styrofoam cups and I hand one over to Abby.

"You're getting your coffee. And as for the walk... you never asked."

I give her a smug smile and turn toward the door, knowing that she'll relent and follow me. She always does.  
**_- - - - - - - - - -_**  
_**We came together  
**__**And fell apart  
**__**We broke each other's hearts  
**__**Remember when?  
- - - - - - - - - -  
**_"_Carter?" I turn my back to the counter, scanning the small seating area for the familiar voice. I spot her sitting across the room, a large coffee between her hands, and a tired smile on her face._

"_Hey." I receive my own coffee from the cashier and walk the small distance to stand next to her. "How's your first day been?"_

"_Eh." _

_She studies me for a moment, and I turn my head, hoping that she didn't get a good look at my eyes. She can always tell when something's wrong if she gets a good enough look at my eyes. _

"_You alright?"_

_Damn._

"_Yeah, fine...just...tired I guess."_

_She gives me a long look and I know she's not falling for it._

"_John..."_

_Nope, not this time._

"_When are you off?"_

"_I was done at eleven."_

"_You, uh, you wanna take a walk?"_

"_Sure."_

_She hops of her stool and follows me to the door. We proceed out onto the street and instinctively head toward the river without a word. It's not until we start down the steps toward what once was "our" bench that I can no longer stand the silence._

"_He wasn't mine."_

_She stops suddenly, and watches me as I continue to the bench and sit, my head down, waiting for her reaction._

"_What?"_

"_The baby. He- he wasn't mine."_

_I see her sink down next to me out of the corner of my eye, but don't look up until I feel her hand on my forearm._

"_John, I am so sorry."_

_I shake my head slowly, staring out at the water, still not making eye contact with her._

"_I feel like I should have known, ya know?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_After she told me, I..." _

_It is now that I finally screw up my courage and look at her, curious to see what she is thinking. The look in her eyes is one of pure concern, and I'm grateful that after all that has happened, I can still count her among my friends. I'm compelled to tell her this, but I sense that she's not going to let me change the subject so easily, so I decide to just lay it all out on the table._

"_...I realized that it had been staring me in the face since she first told me she was pregnant."_

"_How do you figure?"_

"_Well, the sonogram, for one...I kept telling myself that he- that it happened the- the first time, because that's the only way that it was even close to being possible..."_

_I trail off, suddenly a feeling a little awkward about discussing this particular aspect of my relationship with Kem with my ex-girlfriend._

"_Oh?"_

"_Yeah, we, um, we didn't even meet until October."_

_I look over at her, and see a look in her eyes that, for the first time in years, I can't decipher. She's quiet for a minute, and it's then that it hits me. She thought that I sent that letter because of Kem. And, thinking back on my actions over the past...the past year, really, there wasn't much that I said or did to make her feel differently. _

_I know that now isn't really the time or place to discuss our relationship, but I have to make sure she knows that I sent the letter because I knew, or thought I knew, that our being apart would be better for both of us in the long-run._

"_You, uh, you didn't think that I- did what I did- because of her, did you?"_

"_Well, it was easy to assume. When you came back you looked so happy- happier than I'd seen you in a long time, happier than I ever made you. And well, I saw that sonogram, too, Carter. But, more importantly, I saw the way you looked at it."_

"_God, I'm such an idiot." I stand up and walk to the railing, leaning over the edge, staring blankly at the water flowing past me._

"_No, you're not. You were happy, John. There's no denying that. You had everything that you ever wanted."_

"_How can you not hate me?"_

"_Why would I hate you?"_

"_Because of everything." I turn towards her. "God, I hate me."_

"_Well, yeah, it hurt to see you come back with her. To know that you'd moved on. But, you were so excited, so I was happy for you. It hurt like hell some days, but, most of the time, I was just happy for you."_

_I don't know what to say to that. I've never seen this honest, open Abby before. She's finally become the woman that I knew she could be all that time ago. I remember that night on the roof when I told her that she should stop putting her life on hold. And I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad that all it seemed to take was not having ME in her life anymore. _

_I shake my head and try to clear the fog that seems to have settled around me since Kem's revelation this morning. I walk towards the bench, tossing my empty cup in the trash as I go._

"_Would you do me a favor?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Come to a meeting with me..."  
**- - - - - - - - - -**  
__**I gotta learn to re-trust  
**__**To turn me into us  
**__**And I don't know if I can  
**__**Again  
- - - - - - - - - -  
**_"You didn't!"

"Her parents asked me to!"

"But Carter, telling a little girl that her nose would fall off if she picks it anymore...that's just cruel!"

We continue our walk along the river, clutching our warm coffees between gloved hands, recounting stories of our day at county.

I glance over at her, and see her laughing, despite her protest of my "medical opinion", and it strikes me how much I've missed her. Missed this. We'd shared the occasional coffee on a break, or bumped into each other at a meeting between shifts, but we hadn't really spent time together since the night that I found out about Kem and the baby. She'd gone to the meeting with me that night, but insisted that I call my sponsor the next morning, claiming that, considering it didn't work the first time, and with all the history that had passed between us since then, she really should step aside and just be my friend in the situation.

Still, I think that I owe her for that night. If I hadn't found her, I probably would have done something that I would definitely regret.

I notice how the cold causes her cheeks to turn the same shade of crimson they used to be right after we made love, and I am startled by how the moonlight reflecting off her hair takes me back to the nights I used to stay awake just to watch her while she slept. And again, I am reminded of how much I miss her.

"I've missed this."

"Missed what?"

"This, us...walking, getting coffee, laughing, just...us."

"Oh."

She's quiet for a minute, and I begin to regret my revelation. But then she stops, leans against the rail, and turns her head to face me.

"I've missed this, too."

I lean next to her, silently watching as she turns her head and stairs into the water below. Her candidness has shocked me, and I wait for her to continue. We both know what has spurred these feelings, but neither of us wants to be the first to bring it up. We'd avoided it- and each other- for the better part of twenty-four hours, what's a few more minutes?  
**_- - - - - - - - - -_**  
_**You were all the things I thought I knew  
**__**All I thought we could be  
**__**You were everything, everything that I wanted  
**__**We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it  
- - - - - - - - - -  
**__I climb up the steps and ring the bell, shivering in the cold December air. _

"_Carter? I thought you had a shift."_

"_Hello to you, too, Susan!"_

_She rolls her eyes and ushers me inside._

"_Sorry." she puts on a cheerful face as she takes my coat. "Welcome to my we-all-work-in-the-ER-so-we-can't-have-a-real-'holiday-season'-even-if-we-wanted-to, post-Christmas, pre-New-Year's-party."_

_Shaking my head at her elaborate description, I smile and accept her welcoming hug._

"_Thanks."_

"_Drinks and appetizers are in the kitchen- Go mingle!"_

_She disappears towards the livingroom with out giving me much of a chance to respond and I decide to check out what exactly the kitchen has to offer._

"_Hey, Carter!"_

_I turn the corner to see Abby sitting at the table, Brandon on her lap, both of them smiling up at me happily._

"_Hey!" I stop next to Abby, squatting down to look baby Brandon in the eye. "Hey, Brandon! Hi buddy!"_

_I'll be the first to admit that in the months after Brandon's birth, I shied away from him a bit, the pain of my own brush with parenthood sill to raw to watch one of my bestfriends bask in the glow of her own recent happiness. Susan never pushed, and I knew she understood completely, but I still feel guilty. Especially since I've gotten to know the wonder that is Brandon Mark Lewis. He's an amazing, beautiful baby who has definitely claimed a place in the hearts of the entire ER staff, and I regret not getting to know him sooner._

_He reaches a hand toward me and I let him grasp my finger as I stand, my eyes meeting Abby's again._

"_Susan too busy playing hostess?"_

"_She had him for a while, but I was glad for the company. And I think all that the strange people passing him around were freaking him out."_

"_Those people freak ME out sometimes, and I'm thirty-three. I can only imagine what the site of Jerry dressed as Baby New Year would do to a seven-month old."_

"_Yeah, that definitely didn't go over well...with anyone."_

_Luka comes around the corner at that moment, grabbing a cookie off the tray in front of us._

"_Susan said to come find her when he needs to be put down."_

_I notice that the baby's grip on my finger has lightened considerably and, looking down, I see his eyes drooping and head nestling into the crook of Abby's arm._

"_Looks like somebody's ready now."_

_She looks down at the baby, then back at me._

"_Yeah, it's way past his bedtime." She looks up at Luka, "Do you know where she is?"_

"_Last I saw her, Malik and Pratt had drug her out on the dance floor."_

"_Thanks."_

_Abby stands and walks towards the livingroom, Brandon now almost fully asleep in her arms. I follow, spotting Susan in the area near her stereo, doing what appears to be a cross between the hustle and the electric slide with a few of the nurses, laughing and smiling._

"_You want me to go get her?"_

"_Nah." Abby shakes her head and motions for me to follow her down the hall. "Let her have her fun, I think we can handle it. That is, if you don't mind helping me..."_

_Abby is one of the few that I'd ever talked to about my feelings about Brandon at the time of his birth, and I know that there's more to her question than there appears, but I choose to shrug her off with a feeble attempt at a joke._

"_Well, I don't know, the invitation didn't say anything about diaper duty..."_

"_I think it was implied."_

_She places the baby on the changing table gently and I watch as she goes about preparing him for bed like a pro._

"_Could you grab a sleeper out of one of those drawers? I think they're in the second one down, but I may be wrong."_

"_Sure."_

_I open the second drawer in the dresser next to the changing table and look inside. It is indeed filled with little sleepers and onesies, in an array of blues, yellows and greens. I pick a navy one covered with snowflakes and shut the drawer quietly. And when Abby and I manage to get him in it without waking him, and she smiles at our accomplishment._

"_You wanna put him in the crib while I try to figure out that music box night-light thing over there?"_

"_Okay."_

_I lift the baby into my arms and pad softly across the room, gently laying him down and pulling a blanket over his tiny form. He stirs, and I rub his stomach lightly, hoping to keep him from waking fully._

_It appears I'm successful as the baby settles again, a content smile on his face._

_I hear the faint sounds of Brahm's Lullaby from the dresser and see the cow jumping over the moon reflected on the ceiling as Abby appears next to me._

_We stand silently watching him for a moment, and I'm startled by how right this feels. I think back to the night that I almost proposed to her, and I realize that this almost could have been us. Abby and I, together, watching our son sleep peacefully. This SHOULD have been us. _

"_What are you thinking?" Her whisper startles me from my reverie, and I contemplate telling her exactly what's been going through my mind..._

"_That this...this feels right."_

_...but I've always learned, when in doubt, be vague._

_When I thought about my future, THIS is always what I pictured. Abby and I. With Kem, it's not that I wouldn't have loved the baby, because I did- still do if I'm honest with myself. And I would have been happy- maybe not as happy as I made myself believe, but I would have been happy._

"_You really miss him, don't you?" _

"_Yeah."_

_I still regret what happened. I will always think of the baby as my child, and I will always consider myself lucky to have been apart of his short existence. I think about my him daily, and probably will every day for the rest of my life. Because I do miss him, and I do still wish that he were here, nothing will ever change that._

_Yet it surprises me that while I miss my son- miss the closest thing to a family that I ever had- I also miss what, at the time we were together, was only a remote possibility with Abby._

"_Do you-"I hesitate, not sure if I really want to know the answer to the question that I'm about to ask. "Do you ever think about where we'd be if we were still together?"_

"_Sometimes."_

"_Oh yeah?" I ask, hoping that she'll continue._

"_Yeah. I, um, I have since your letter. Keep wondering what would have happened if things had been different. If I had been different..."_

_In the time since I've been back, Abby and I have spoken about our break-up once, in very little detail. But even then, we expertly skirted the topic of the letter I wrote her. _

_That damn letter._

_I decide that I have to make things right...explain exactly what happened to make me write it. And, hopefully, get her to understand that I've regretted it ever since._

"_Abby, there's nothing that you could have said or done that would have prevented me from writing that letter. I was in a place where I thought that I needed to be alone. I thought that we would both be better off alone. But I've wished I'd never done it every day since."_

"_No you haven't, Carter. I saw you with her, when you came back, and you DEFINITELY didn't regret it." she spits at me in a harsh whisper._

"_Yes, I did. Kem and the baby, it all fell into my lap. And I convinced myself it was what I wanted. What would make me happy. But I knew, I knew as soon as I came home and saw you that there was no way she would make me even as close to as happy as you could." _

_There's no going back now, so I decide to tell her exactly what I've been feeling ever since I wrote her the stupid letter._

"_Abby, I was an idiot. I never should have done any of what I did, and I'm sorry. If I could take it all back I would, but I can't. But you have to know that I'm sorry. For everything."_

_She's silent for a while, and I begin to think that she's never going to speak to me again, let alone forgive me._

_Sighing, I turn to go._

"_We'd be married."_

_I stop, and silently return to my place next to her at the crib rail, tilting my head, encouraging her to continue._

"_It would have taken a while to get there, but we'd be married. Happy, too. We'd have our ups and downs, and it would be work sometimes, but we wouldn't care because we'd have each other. I would have still gone back to med school. And...and this would be us. Every night. Just standing together, watching our baby sleep." She pauses, and I think she's finished, but then she continues, looking away, even more quietly than before. "It would have been perfect."_

_Her revelation both saddens and excites me. I know that I can't count on anything she said ever coming true, but I'm glad to know that she still thinks about me. Thinks about us, and the way things could have been. The way things could still be._

_I hook a finger under her chin and turn her face towards me. I know that I can tell everything I need to know about this moment from her eves. And what I see floors me. Behind the unshed tears I see the same eyes that stared at me during the lockdown over two-and-a-half years ago. And the only thing I can do now is the same thing I did then._

_I kiss her._

_And she kisses me back._

"_Oh! Oh God, I am so sorry!"_

_We break apart at the sound of Susan's voice and turn towards the door, guilty expressions on both our faces._

"_It's okay, Sus." Abby supplies, running a hand through her hair._

"_I was...I just wanted to make sure that you weren't having any trouble getting him to sleep. Sam said that you'd been in here a while..."_

"_No, he went right down. We were, uh, we were just talking about some things." _

_She gives me a look and we both start to follow her out the door._

"_Yeah, MY conversations ALWAYS go like that." she's recovered from the shock, apparently, and is now able to return to her usual sarcastic demeanor._

_As soon as we're out of the room, Abby disappears into a crowd of residents in the corner, and I get stuck talking to Kerry about next week's med-student orientation._

_I'm able to escape just in time to see Abby gathering her things to leave._

"_You're going?"_

"_Yeah, I have a shift tomorrow."_

"_You need a ride home?"_

"_No thanks, I rode with Neela."_

"_Abby, I really think we need to talk."_

"_I know, John, just...not tonight, okay?"_

_I nod, and she smiles at me._

"_We'll get coffee or something tomorrow, I promise."_

_She leans up and kisses my cheek quickly._

"_Good night, Carter."_

_She turns and follows Neela out the door before I have a chance to say anything else._

_But it's okay. Because I know that we'll have plenty of time for talking now.  
**- - - - - - - - - -**  
__**Welcome to the fallout  
**__**Welcome to resistance  
**__**The tension is here  
**__**Between who you are  
**__**And who you could be  
- - - - - - - - - -  
**_As I watch her continue to stare into the river, I realize that we've been silent for quite a while. The events of last night have been weighing heavily on my mind since she disappeared from Susan's, and I desperately want to know what she's thinking.

"Penny for your thoughts..."

She breaks her gaze and turns her head to look at me for the first time in what seems like hours.

"Honestly?" she pauses and looks away again, taking a deep breath and shutting her eyes tightly. "I've been thinking about you. And last night."

"Me, too."

"And..."

I throw a smirk in her direction. "I asked you first."

She rolls her eyes at me, and once again looks into the river below.

"It was- it was like the past year-and-a-half never happened. I felt the same way last night like I did then. That kiss...it was..."

"I know."

And I do know. Because I felt the exact same way. The taste of her lips was so familiar and comfortable, yet the sparks could have made it seem as though it was the first time. It was perfect.

"And... God, Carter...That scares the shit out of me."

"What?"

"You can't just kiss me and expect to make everything okay again! Because it's not! It's not okay that you left me! You PROMISED me that you wouldn't. But you did. And you weren't even going to tell me about it!

"It's not okay that you left a second time when I begged you not to go. When I pleaded with you to please stay. Because I needed you. And because I was terrified that you wouldn't make it home again.

"It's NOT okay that you dumped me in a letter! Or that you had it given to me by my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend in the ER where everyone could read it!

"And it's not okay that you came back with someone else when I was still clinging to the hope that you had realized that it was all a huge mistake and we could work it out."

She turns on her heel quickly, walking away. I start to think that I've lost her totally when I see her stop, and run a hand through her hair before turning back towards the river. She stares blankly for a minute, and the turns he head towards me a pained look on her face.

I walk towards her tentatively, a little nervous as to what her reaction will be after her previous outburst. I wrap an arm around her shoulder, and when she doesn't resist, I pull her too me gently. I'm surprised when she buries her face in the fabric of my jacket, but I accept her display of affection willingly.

"It's not okay." It comes out as a muffled cry, and she pounds her fists on my chest as she says it, but collapses into my embrace soon after.

We stand that way for a few moments, with me smoothing her hair and dropping the occasional kiss on to the top of her head while she tightens her grasp on my waist.

"I don't know how to begin to explain how sorry I am for everything. Leaving, the letter, Kem, all of it. I'm an absolute idiot for leaving in the first place, and there's no excuse for my not telling you about it in person. The same goes for that stupid letter. I just knew that if I had to hear your voice or look at you, I wouldn't be able to do it. And, at the time, I thought that it was something that I really, really needed to do.

"I realize now that it wasn't. That all that I really needed...all that I'll ever really need...is you. I know that sounds incredibly cheesy, but it's the truth. This is it for me. It's been it for me since the day that we met.

"Kem was a sorry replacement for something that I thought that I'd lost. I convinced myself that she was everything that I wanted. A beautiful woman to come home to. A house. A baby. The whole thing. I was so far into it by the time I realized that it wasn't right at all. Because it doesn't matter that I had all of it, because it wasn't with you.

"And that would be the most important part. I didn't love her. But I love you. No matter what."

She pulls back to look at me, her arms still around my waist. I bring my hands to her cheeks to wipe the tears that have begun to flow.

"John, so much has happened between us. I know that I told you that I don't think people ever really change, but if the past two years have taught me anything, it's that they can, and do. We aren't the same people that we were when we were together. I'm not the same Abby that I was then. And I don't want to be her again."

"Abs, it doesn't matter to me. When I look at you, I still see the woman that I love. I watch you, and I still see your huge heart and your wonderful personality. That's something that will never change.

"And it's not just that...it's all the little things that I only notice BECAUSE I love you. Like, the way you won't drink Mt. Dew because of all the caffeine, but would get an IV drip of coffee if you could...how you order your pizza with lo-fat crust and extra cheese...or how you sneak into the lounge Monday nights to watch Fear Factor with Susan, and I let you get away with it.

"The fact that your heart goes out to anyone in need, be it a patient, or me, or your mom and Eric. Those are the things that make you who you are. And you're still my Abby, just..."

"...with a few improvements?" she finishes for me, smiling slightly.

"Something like that."

I'm tempted to kiss her, but I'm not sure if that would really be acceptable right now. So I opt for pulling her closer to me and pressing my forehead to hers.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that I feel the same way about you, right?"

"Now I do."

"Good. Because I love you, too."

"Good."

We smile at each other, still unsure, And then, she kisses me. A long, slow kiss, filled with everything that we've said, and the things we haven't. I know that there's still a lot for us to work on. But I know that it's going to work out. We'll make sure of that this time around.

She breaks the kiss and sighs contentedly, a look in her eye that I haven't seen in a little over a year-and-a-half, but I know well. And it still gives me the same feeling as it did the first time I saw it.

"Let's go home."

Yep, definitely THAT look.

She takes my hand in hers and starts off toward her apartment. I follow gladly, marveling at the way after all that has happened, this still feels natural. It feels like the way it always should have been. How it always should be.

I know that we'll still fight, and that it won't always be easy. But it's okay. Because it's still us. And that's all that matters.

We reach her door and I wrap my arms around her waist from behind as she fumbles for her key. With a swift kick, it glides open, revealing her apartment. As we go in, I realize that even though I hadn't been here much since the night that I returned from Africa, it still feels more like home to me than anywhere else ever has.

And I know that it's because of her.

She drops her keys on to the table, her bag and shoes in a heap on the floor. Mine soon find their familiar spot next to them.

She grabs my hands from their spot over her stomach and entwines our fingers.

"C'mon."

We start towards her bedroom, taking our time.

Because we both know that we have all the time in the world.

Just for this.

Just for us.


End file.
